Building Friendship Skills: A Parent-Friendly Guide from Your ABA Team
By Angela Khater, MA, BCBA | Clinical Director at IOA
As a clinical director in the ABA field, I’ve had countless conversations with parents about their children’s friendship skills. Many of you have shared that watching your child struggle socially can be even harder than seeing them face academic challenges.
I get it. You want your child to experience the joy of friendship just like I want that for the children we work with. Today, I want to share some practical strategies we use that you can try at home.
What Are “Friendship Skills”?
When we talk about friendship skills in ABA, we’re looking at specific behaviors that help children connect with others:
How they approach peers
Taking turns in conversations and play
Sharing interests and materials
Reading social cues
Handling disappointment in social situations
Each child has their own starting point and learning path, but these core skills help build meaningful connections.
How We Assess Your Child’s Social Skills
Before teaching friendship skills, we first need to understand where your child is starting from. We might:
Watch how they interact during free play
Note what social approaches they already use
Identify what motivates them socially
Observe what might be getting in the way of successful interactions
This helps us create a personalized plan focused on your child’s specific needs.
Teaching Strategies You Can Use at Home
Start Small and Celebrate Progress
We often begin with brief, highly structured interactions where your child is almost guaranteed success. For example, a 5-minute play activity with clear roles and rules provides practice without overwhelming your child.
Try This: Set a timer for just 3-5 minutes of structured play with siblings or yourself. When the timer goes off, enthusiastically praise your child for playing together, even if it wasn’t perfect.
Use Your Child’s Interests as a Bridge
If your child loves trains, dinosaurs, or a particular game, we use these interests to connect them with others who share similar passions.
Try This: Arrange play opportunities centered around your child’s special interests. When children share an interest, social interaction becomes naturally more rewarding.
Teach One Step at a Time
Rather than expecting complete social mastery, we break friendship skills into smaller steps. For instance, learning to greet peers might start with just making eye contact, then waving, then adding a verbal “hi.”
Try This: Focus on just one skill for a week or two. If your child struggles with joining activities, practice just walking up and watching first before expecting them to ask to join in.
Make Social Success Feel Good
In ABA, we make sure social interactions lead to positive experiences. When your child shares or takes turns, we ensure something enjoyable happens as a result.
Try This: When your child shares a toy, make a big (but genuine) deal about it. “Wow! You shared your blocks with your sister! Look how happy she is now!”
Creating Practice Opportunities
Structured Playdates
We find that briefly prepping both children before a playdate significantly improves success.
Try This: Before friends come over, pick 2-3 activities both children enjoy. Talk through what will happen during the playdate, and consider using a visual schedule so your child knows what to expect.
Using Everyday Moments
Social skills don’t just develop during planned activities—everyday life is full of teaching opportunities.
Try This: At the grocery store, practice having your child ask the deli worker for cheese, or at the park, help them ask another child if they can take a turn on the swing.
When Challenges Arise
Managing Frustration
Social situations can be unpredictable and sometimes overwhelming for children.
Try This: Create a simple “break” system your child can use when feeling overwhelmed. This might be a special card they can show you or a designated quiet space they can go to regroup.
Learning from Mistakes
In ABA, we view social errors as learning opportunities rather than failures.
Try This: If your child has a difficult social interaction, wait until they’re calm, then briefly discuss what happened. “When you grabbed the toy, Sam looked sad. Next time, what could you do instead?”
Tracking Progress
We love celebrating growth! In our practice, we track specific behaviors so we can see progress clearly.
Try This: Keep a simple notebook where you jot down social wins. “Today Jamie asked to join the soccer game without prompting” or “Today Alex took turns for 10 minutes during board game night.”
Final Thoughts
Teaching friendship skills takes time and patience. Some days will feel like two steps forward, one step back and that’s completely normal.
What matters most is consistency and creating a supportive environment where your child feels safe practicing these new skills. Remember that many adults still find social situations challenging sometimes!