When School Isn’t Going Well: A Parent’s Guide to Effective Advocacy When Your Child Goes Back to School
By Angela Khater, MA, BCBA | Clinical Director at IOA
The phone call from your child’s teacher. The reports of struggles. The tears at pickup. When your child isn’t thriving at school, it can feel overwhelming and heartbreaking. As a parent, you may feel torn between wanting to support your child and not knowing how to navigate the school system. The truth is: you are your child’s most important advocate, and there are concrete steps you can take to ensure they get the support they need.
Start with Information Gathering
Before advocating, you need a clear picture of what’s happening. Many school challenges have multiple contributing factors. Understanding the full scope helps you address root causes, not just symptoms.
Document Everything:
Write down specific incidents with dates and times
Note what your child shares about their day
Track patterns (times of day, subjects, or activities)
Save emails, notes, and reports from school
Record details of phone calls with staff
Ask the Right Questions:
“What strategies have been tried so far?”
“What does a typical day look like for my child?”
“How is my child interacting with peers?”
“What accommodations might help?”
Observe When Possible:
Seeing your child in the classroom provides valuable insight—children often behave differently at school than at home.
Build Strong Communication with School Staff
Effective advocacy begins with positive relationships. Teachers and staff are more likely to partner with you if they see you as collaborative, not adversarial.
Lead with appreciation for what’s working.
Frame concerns as teamwork: “How can we work together to support my child?”
Request regular check-ins (weekly emails or calls) to stay ahead of issues.
Share your child’s full picture: strengths, interests, communication style, and strategies that work at home.
Know Your Rights and Resources
Understanding your rights as a parent empowers effective advocacy.
Request evaluations if you suspect learning or behavioral challenges.
Know the difference between 504 Plans and IEPs—and when each applies.
You have the right to participate in planning meetings.
Learn about procedural safeguards and independent evaluation rights.
Strategies by Challenge Area
Academic Struggles:
Request a meeting to review work samples.
Ask about alternative teaching strategies, tutoring, or small-group support.
Advocacy tip: “Can we explore different ways for my child to demonstrate knowledge?”
Behavioral Challenges:
Request a behavior plan with proactive strategies.
Ask about triggers and environmental modifications.
Advocacy tip: “Let’s focus on teaching what to do, not just what not to do.”
Social Difficulties:
Request structured peer supports or social groups.
Ask how teachers encourage friendships.
Advocacy tip: “What opportunities can highlight my child’s strengths with peers?”
When Informal Advocacy Isn’t Enough
If challenges persist:
Document lack of progress despite interventions.
Request a formal team meeting to discuss additional supports or evaluations.
Consider outside evaluations for new insights and recommendations.
Maintaining Perspective
Advocacy can be emotionally draining. Remember:
Your child’s voice matters—include them when possible.
Celebrate small wins—progress counts, even if slow.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint—systemic changes take time.
Your persistence matters—your advocacy shows your child they are worth fighting for.
Building Your Child’s Self-Advocacy
Teach your child to:
Communicate needs
Ask for help
Explain their learning style
Speak up when something isn’t working
These are lifelong skills that build confidence and resilience.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Effective advocacy isn’t about being the loudest—it’s about being informed, collaborative, and persistent. Stay focused on solutions, follow up on commitments, and celebrate progress.
Every child deserves to feel supported and successful at school. Struggling doesn’t mean failing—it means your child needs different or additional support. With your advocacy, collaboration, and persistence, most challenges can be addressed, setting your child up for long-term success.